


All I want, is to be wanted

by zappy_noodle



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: F/M, for real it's getting annoying, kai says something dumb again, ninja stop being mean to jay challenge, no beta we die like nya in skybound, uh jay angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28833192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zappy_noodle/pseuds/zappy_noodle
Summary: "Do you have any idea what it's like waking up every morning feeling like no one wants you around? Thinking about the reasons why your parents would just dump you in a scrapyard? Do you have any idea what that does to your self-esteem? No, you don't, because everyone loves you, Kai!"Jay has enough of the audacious comments from his team.
Relationships: Nya/Jay Walker
Comments: 26
Kudos: 28





	All I want, is to be wanted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grimbeak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimbeak/gifts), [Captain_Jade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Jade/gifts).



Jay has always been self-conscious about pretty much everything. His appearance, personality and the economic status he was raised in. Jay, like many people, had his quirks.

He was aware of this specific trait for the longest time. He wanted acceptance from the people around him.

He wanted it so desperately that he spun a web of lies just to be accepted by Nya.

This fear of abandonment grew stronger when Nya seemingly lost interest in him for another. For his best friend. He couldn't blame her.

No one wanted him, anyway.

And so he laughed it off, as he usually did. It was how he coped with stress. Laughing is always better than having a near nervous breakdown.

Just like a certain hot-headed colleague of his, Jay did have bad coping mechanisms. 

"Jay, would you calm down!" Nya snapped at him.

'I'm trying, you have no idea how hard I'm trying!' He wanted to reply, but he bit his tongue as his face tinted slightly red out of embarrassment when the team's eyes made their way to his anxious form.

They found it annoying. They found his poor attempts of covering up his stress and anxiety annoying.

Jay hated it when they called him annoying.

It doesn't matter if it was a joke because Jay didn't want to be annoying, but he couldn't help it. 

He couldn't help it when words rushed through his lips as he quickly tried to distract himself, while his voice got louder and louder as and heart raced faster and faster.

He desperately tries to stop himself when it happens, and the annoyed looks he receives from his teammates when he so desperately needs help to calm down or else he'll have a panic attack and they'll be even madder and in danger and it will be all his fault and oh, god he can't stop himself he cant change himself please help me I can't breathe

What the master of lightning could change was his physical appearance.

He didn't like having curly hair, so he relaxed his curls to be accepted, by himself and hopefully by others. Curly hair was a rare sight in Ninjago, after all. In reality, Jay just wanted to fit in. 

The "jokes" about his hair didn't make him laugh, either. Was he allowed to get offended when he himself was the comic relief? The jokes did hurt his feelings, though. Kai snickered when he saw that Jay actually had curly hair as if his own wasn't a mess of poorly constructed spikes, encased in large amounts of gel.

Jay's chest burned as he tried to stop himself from crying. Why didn't they realise why he did it in the first place? Would it not be obvious that he had been insecure, or was he just being sensitive?

All of that did not amount up to the rage that built up in milliseconds when Kai once more, opened his mouth.

Jay had accidentally spilt his glass of water at dinner while trying to reach the plate of Yakitori, stretching his fingers to grab another one. His elbow knocked the half-empty glass over, sending the cold liquid across the table. Jay swore under his breath and put the glass back on its feet before Nya lifted the water up and tossed it back into the glass.

Kai had already had a bad day. He woke up angry, stomped all around the monastery in a foul mood. Jay didn't comment on it; everyone had their bad days, but this little, insignificant mistake set him ablaze. 

"No wonder your parents left you," the red ninja groaned.

Jay froze and stopped chewing. His muscles tensed up as his brain started to come to terms with what he just heard. He slowly swallowed and his hand tightened around the glass.

Audible gasps filled the room. The team sent rage-filled glares made Kai's way. Lloyd, with his mouth as full as that of a hamster, smacked Kai, hard. Nya, who realised Jay's frozen frame, spoke up.

"Kai-," But Jay cut her off.

"I spill a glass of water and you dare bring that up? You take that back right now," Jay spat out.

"I was joking," Kai said and rolled his eyes. He took a bite out of his own yakitori. 

Jay wanted to cry as white-hot rage filled his body. He felt his ears warm up and his nose began to burn. Jay was close to, if not already crying. With a heavy chest, Jay let out everything he felt at once. In true Jay fashion. 

"How dare you! Do you have any idea what it's like waking up every morning feeling like no one wants you around? Thinking about the reasons why your parents would just dump you in a scrapyard? Do you have any idea what that does to your self-esteem? No, you don't, because everyone loves you, Kai,

"Everyone thinks you're fucking great and I'm the expendable one, the ugly one, the useless one. I don't need your Twitter fans and especially you to remind me of how expendable I am every waking moment! No one wants me and it hurts so bad thinking about it!" Jay let out in a blind rage.

The table was silent as the other members of the teams' eyes travel between the two. There was only silence. No cutlery being moved. Jay was left alone with his burning chest, racing heart and feeling a bit lightheaded after his speech.

Jay's chest was heaving and his eyes burned. All of the pain and anger that was building up for the past few years reached its boiling point. 

Kai was clearly a massive blonde moment because he wasn't taking what Jay just told him seriously. 

"Geez, Jay, I was just joking! Murtessa wanted you, yeah? Don't take a joke so seriously."

"Jay, sit down," Nya said and tried to grab Jay's arm before he threw himself at Kai. 

"Let go of me, Nya," Jay spat out angrily.

"No, you need to calm down."

"Calm down? Are you kidding me right now? I swear to god you always just sit there letting them say shit like that to me when you aren't busy doing it to me yourself."

Jay was just as, or not even more surprised as his team at his outburst. He had never raised his voice at anyone, especially Nya.

"Why are you bringing this onto me?" Nya snapped in just as an angry tone.

"You always just sit there and you say nothing! None of you do! All you guys do is make jokes about me being useless as if it's funny. I'm sorry if I'm not what you all want out of a ninja," Jay sighed and got out of his seat, yanking his arm out of Nya's grasp.

"You know that's not true-"

"It is, Cole! It is! All of you seem to think that way since none of you has an issue with calling me expendable or defending me when your own fans make threads about me being useless! All of that hurts nothing compared to knowing that none of you care enough to even speak up when your own colleagues make those comments about me.

"Every moment is just me wanting to be accepted by someone, anyone. I can't even stress in the only way I know how or even mention my own interests without my own 'girlfriend' calls me annoying and tells me to shut up. It fucking hurts, especially hearing it from the people I've considered my family.

"That's not how a family treats each other. A team doesn't gossip and complain about someone else when they think they can't hear. I have ears, dumbasses!"

Nya, now crying, looked up to Jay, her face ridden with guilt. Jay ignored her.

The table was silent and dinner was completely ruined. No one was touching the food Zane spent so long preparing. There was not even a whisper. No one knew what to say.

Jay looked to Master Wu, who spectated the scene from the far corner of the table. He looked at Jay with sorrowful eyes. His wrinkles creased as his eyebrows sat knitted above his eyes. Master Wu understood, he always did. 

"Thank you, Master," Jay said while bowing before Master Wu.

The silent team stared at him with wide, confused eyes. Still dressed in his gi, Jay took out a dagger from the holster on his thigh. He angrily tossed his mask on the table while the rest of those seated at the table looked at what he was doing, completely confused to what Jay was doing.

Lloyd finally spoke up after clearing his throat. "Jay, what are you-"

Within a second Jay thrust the blade through the mask and pierced the wooden table. The noise of metal piercing wood vibrated through the cutlery on the table.

His half of the ying-yang medallion followed suit, rolling not gracefully next to his mask. The metal shape came to a stop.

"Jay! Stop it!" Nya said clearly upset at what Jay just did while trying to grab his arm, but Jay's mind was made.

He went against the protests of his now freaking out ex-colleagues and walked to the door. He didn't even notice his legs were shaking when he started walked.

"Jay, please come back, friend. Please sit down and we can talk this through thoroughly."

"No thank you, Zane. Thanks for being one of the only people here who are nice to me."

"Brother, I would advise-"

"All I want is to be wanted. I won't find it here, clearly," Jay told them. 

His eyes met with those of his best friend. Cole said nothing during the recent events. He shook his head and pleaded Jay to stay, but Jay tore his gaze away and slammed the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> Based off a conversation held on Tumblr by those I gifted this work to, which you can find over here https://kaihatemail.tumblr.com/post/637672387529392128/s15-jaya-is-gonna-make-us-cry
> 
> Also, how about the ninja stop bullying Jay that would be pretty cool I think.


End file.
